Saturday, November 21, 2009


A couple of days ago an x reappeared in my life. I had not seen nor heard from him in 8 months. He text messaged me to ask where he might find a late night good place to eat and if I had time to meet. Being as I had a very busy day scheduled for the next day, had already eaten and truth be known knew I had to say no in order to not fall back into something that would end up as nothing. I responded via email and told him the truth. He called. I did not pick up. I went to bed. In the morning I listened to his message. He wished me a good night and mentioned he would call me in the morning or for me to call. I sent another email. It is for the best we do not meet and we did not.
In all honesty to know he was one block away and to not go meet or see him  was very challenging and yet I had to ask "why is saying no so difficult"? 
One day has gone by since he left. No longer did I feel his presence but through the time he was here and though I did not see him, his energy had a strong effect. I wanted to run,  hide, I wanted to pretend he did not exist but then I decided to sit and meditate upon the shadow this presented. 
Today after leaving the gym I entered into a clothing store to look at a beautiful sweater that reminded me of the one that got stolen on my honeymoon with my x husband (sign sign everywhere a sign:)
The sales rep started talking to me. Then she started crying. I asked her what was wrong. She began telling me about a 6 year relationship ending the night before she got married. This was to be her 2nd, his 3rd. She saw signs, so many signs to get out of this abusive relationship long before he called the wedding off yet she stayed.Then she asked:" Colli why is it so difficult to say NO". My reply: "I believe for some of us we really do not know how to say YES to ourself.Maybe we were never taught how important and special we are so we never developed these essential skills. Instead we give ourselves away."
We learn so much about ourselves in our personal relationships. They help us to discover the true self, which is the source of love. We are attracted to those whom we love and repelled by those in whom we are denying in ourselves. At some level we are all the same, whenever we have a positive or negative experience with someone-whenever there is a strong feeling of either being drawn toward someone or of pulling back from someone - we should ask ourselves what is happening? “Why am I attracted to this person? Because they have certain traits.  Or why am I repelled by this other person? Because they have particular traits. How come I am denying these traits in myself? I must have these same traits , otherwise my  feelings wouldn’t be triggered by this person. I wouldn’t feel this charge from them.” 
Simply seeing someone as undesirable is different from being judgmental, angry and outraged. It is when we react to a person that we know we are being presented with valuable information.
So RELATION SHIP is a wonderful tool for the growth of our soul, for learning about ourselves, and for clearing a path to the final stages of love, which are surrender and ecstasy. Every relationship we have is the one that begins just at that right moment in our life, and it is meant to take us to a higher level of awareness,  

Every RELATION SHIP carries us to the next level. 

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