Trauma Heals

 

Do You Acknowledge Situations?

 

Friends Drifting Apart

 

Control

 

What Do You Hold Onto?

 

Gratitude for Being Present

 

Choices = Consequences

 

Moving Forward

 

Holding Compassion

 

Your New Narrative

 

Boundaries - Do You Have Any?

 

Temporary Pain

 

Acknowledge, Include all Your Feelings

 

 

We Need Sleep ...

 

Through Our Lens

 

Getting Back on Track

 

Dropping Rigid Expectations

 

Find Your Glimmers

Deb Dana in her book “The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy” uses the term “triggers” to describe experiences that make you feel antsy and withdrawn, and “glimmers” to describe experiences that make you feel safe and connected.

“Trauma reshapes our system so that we are more prone to pathways of protection than pathways of connection.” This keeps us in a survival state instead of a thriving state.

It is very important to be able to recognize both triggers and glimmers in your daily life to answer the essential question about your reactions:

“What brought me here?”

”What is the story I'm telling myself now?”

We can cultivate glimmers in our hearts and homes through connection, coregulation, consciousness, curiosity, compassion, clarity & creativity.

Think of nature, music, lighting, smells, breathing, movement, touch, foods, sensations, emotions, and everything and anything to bring us back to rest ~> connection and safety.

“Well-being is not simply the absence of problems, but also the presence of strengths,” Dana writes.

Our survival means understanding the good and the bad. It’s not enough to prevent cues of danger. We also have to activate cues of safety, i.e., our glimmers.

Let us know what your glimmers are!

With love,

Lelia.

Staying Hopeful

 

How Do You Manage YOUR Emotional Reactions?

 

Do You Trust Yourself?

 

Believe in Yourself

 What does it take to be mentally attractive? People who respect themselves and are happy on their own exude confidence effortlessly. When we love ourselves, we don’t spend our time second-guessing what others are thinking about us. 

We use our time working on getting what we want out of life. So taking care of our needs and addressing recurring negative thoughts alleviates the need to go to others for their opinions. Mental attractiveness also involves communicating well and respecting other people’s needs.

Of course, we want to take time to listen to others. Let them know we care about them. Honesty, respect, discussing our hopes, dreams, and fears can strengthen our connection with another person.

~Collitalks

Just Say NO

 

Are YOU being programmed for POVERTY?

 As a Self Sabotage Coach, I can assure you that although health-based self sabotage appears to be the most frequent form of self-sabotage, wealth-based self-sabotage is actually what stands as the #1 form of self-sabotage in most societies.

The movies and TV shows are littered with anti-wealth programming, which of course is manufactured purposely to program us in this very way. Nothing out of Hollywood is an accident, coincidence, misunderstanding, or chance happening. I at one time believed that the movie and TV screens were there to make our lives more exciting and fun but nothing could be further from the truth.

Come up to speed on what's known as "poverty programming", a subconscious mind control spell designed to keep people running east looking for a sunset......in regards to their wealth. Similar anti-health and dis-empowering mind virus implants are inserted into us, by our screens, as well. Our mind identifies and copies patterns in our environment and the movies/TV shows make sure poverty and struggle are associated with being noble, clean, and walking the high moral ground.

Come up to speed on what's known as "poverty programming", a subconscious mind control spell designed to keep people running east looking for a sunset......in regards to their wealth. Similar anti-health and dis-empowering mind virus implants are inserted into us, by our screens, as well. Our mind identifies and copies patterns in our environment and the movies/TV shows make sure poverty and struggle are associated with being noble, clean, and walking the high moral ground.

Do YOU need Others Approval?

 

Did you know Divorce is Being Sold to YOU?

Selling Divorce in the West Self-sabotage is often very simple yet hard to grasp for the average person. The truth is.....we don't control our behavior in the way we think or the way we're taught. If you knew how your behavior was manufactured by the repetitive content in your environment, you would really pay more attention to the repetitive content in your environment.

The people who have a great deal of control over us know that our subconscious mind is literally designed as a repetitive content identifier. Once the repetitive content is identified, our subconscious forces us to act it out, beyond our conscious awareness.

The people who do social engineering control behavior, through repetitive screen content, because they understand how the subconscious mind works......while the average screen watcher has no clue how their subconscious mind works. Whatever our social engineers want us to do, they simply make us see that particular repetitive content on the screen and we act it out. The repetitive content we're exposed to purposely, by social engineers, is always negative.......which in turn makes us easier to rule, manipulate, steal from, lie to, govern, poison and control.

Here's a good video explanation regarding how divorce has been purposely accelerated through screen media, to destabilize our society and culture.

Women are programmed in one way (mostly negative) and men are programmed in other ways ... yet always negative as well. More on this later. All on purpose, all by design, all without our conscious awareness, all well-documented cause and effect. As an experiment stop for a moment and think how many of your friends, family members, or maybe you also are divorced.

If you're curious as to how all this mental manipulation works and how to protect yourself from it DROP me a line personally at innerexpression88@gmail.com for more information."

How to Stop Chasing Ambulances

Have you ever thought about whether you want to actually enjoy living? Something to ponder on a hot holiday (for some) day. If you do want to enjoy I call it live in joy then you have to let go trying to please everyone else. You have to go beyond judgment. You can't go through life worried about what everyone else is going to think.

Believe me, I know this from experience. I was addicted to rescuing people thinking they actually needed me - -haha:) No these people did not need me. I needed them in my life to make my life busy and seem like my busy was being productive. Not! This is how busy operates. Dig a hole for 4 hours, fill it for the next 4 hours and doing this day in and day out wonder why nothing is shifting in your life. Well, if you did a hole for 4 hours then fill it how do you expect to build a new foundation? You cannot. It is impossible. Yes, you will be busy - - keeping the same old pattern going and getting the same old results and you will be exhausted which makes you feel safe because you are in the familiar zone. Subconscious loves the familiar. That is why so many people never accomplish what they set out to do or want to do. It really is work to hack the subconscious and put in new programming BUT so worth it - this I know as my truth.

Please do not misunderstand rescue for compassion. I am very compassionate and assist many people but I no longer rescue because I know that enabling does not help. No, it does not. Never has never will. I have officially hung up my ambulance chasing.

I had to let go of the judgment of others stopping me from creating a life that works for me regardless of if they leave my life. I do not assume that their judgments are true. My recommendation if the is true in our life that you look into your thought patterns, your habits, your actions work on building your self-confidence. If you think badly of yourself, it's easy to believe that everyone else is doing it too but really most people do not even think about us. Most people do not give a rat's ass about us. They are too busy doing things in hope of living in joy.

No, we can't control what people think about us there's no point trying that. Just focus on yourself. If you believe in yourself, these judgments won't have any power over you. KEY POINT: do YOU have to believe in yourself and if not what programming are you replaying over and over. If you want to know how to overcome being an ambulance chaser rescuing everyone when you should be living in joy I have much wisdom in this area - actually my new title I have just been given by my higher power is just that.

~Collitalks

Lying and Self Sabotage - Why people Lie

Lying And Self Sabotage - Why People Lie

This question is from the private forum for self-sabotage coaches around the world. A question was asked........" how would you coach a liar, someone where lying is part of who they are and what they do? People who lie about small things, big things, and all things?"

The answer provided was this......."Usually, liars are produced by perfectionist parents, who attack the child if there's a mistake outside the preferred behavior. This is where most adult liars come from, a fear of judgment and a fear of never being outside the critical eye of the parent/authority figure. If you fear being judged if wrong, you lie.

This cycle produces a reaction in the psyche that will force the child to lie, in order to avoid punishment or judgment, which threatens their safety. Liars have never made their proper rite of passage from child to adult whatsoever and many liars do indeed lie about things that don't have to be lied about, simply because this pathway is hyper facilitated. I know many people like this and it will cause great resistance energy in any tribe of fully matured adults. Adult liars have child psyches and therefore poor leadership skills. Low confidence in their abilities always follows in the other members of the tribe. Strong men and women never lie.

Growth is about the experience, experience is about making mistakes and dealing with those mistakes, not avoiding their sting. Liars buffer themselves from that sting, which promotes growth through pain, and therefore liars are often trapped in a severe form of arrested development. The growth cycle of a human is simple.

Experience is encountered as we age ........... mistakes are made .......... pain is produced from the mistakes ..... and positive change/maturation occurs if the pain is dealt with correctly. Liars never get past the second part of that equation because they refuse to admit to any wrongdoing, mistakes, or problems that they need to remedy. Lies protect us from painful introspection and therefore lies protect us from growth and the proper maturation cycles that end with us entering our true adult role in the tribe. Without tribal leaders, the tribe falls apart.

Adult liars (regardless of what they lie about) are clear threats to the perpetuation of any society, culture, tribe, etc. In ancient societies, adults who refused to take their proper rite of passage from child to adult were often murdered as they slept because it was just too risky to let them live out child-based behaviors and thought patterns as adults. If we look at our leaders today in most facets of our society, the threat nonmature adults pose to the entire tribe should be extremely obvious.

Currently, in most countries, we are being led by children trapped in adult bodies. Our societies are collapsing because of it, as was always known by all ancient cultures."

Want to Stop People Pleasing?

Isn't it time you stopped obsessing about what others think of you? Do you realize how much time you have wasted - - way too much time worrying whether other people are judging you.

That is a pattern and it is time to shift that pattern. When you give more importance to others' opinions of you than what you believe about yourself, you become a people pleaser. Do you know that you can actually be addicted to people-pleasing because the reality of people-pleasing is you are not doing it for others but for what it gives you?

As a result, you always put others first, ignore your own needs and end up feeling inauthentic. When we give over our power to others, we lose out on who we really are and that being a secondary gain is what this post is all about. Want to know how not to be a people pleaser ... ask an x people pleaser email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com

~Collitalks

Selling Divorce Based Self Sabotage to the West

Take something that is concerning and destructive to self, other and our society..... and make it about self sabotage. Make your audience start seeing the repetitive content in their media systems.

"Selling Divorce Based Self Sabotage to The West

Self sabotage is often very simple yet hard to grasp for the average person. The truth is.....we don't control our behavior in the way we think or the way we're taught. If you knew how your behavior was manufactured by the repetitive content in your environment, you would really pay more attention to the repetitive content in your environment.

The people who rule us know that our subconscious mind is literally designed as a repetitive content identifier. Once the repetitive content is identified, our subconscious forces us to act it out, beyond our conscious awareness. The people who rule us engineer our behavior, through repetitive screen content, because they understand how the subconscious mind works......while the average screen watcher has no clue how their subconscious mind works. What ever our social engineers want us to do, they simply make us see that particular repetitive content on the screen and we act it out.

The repetitive content we're exposed to purposely, by our human farmers, is always negative.......which in turn makes us easier to rule, manipulate, steal from, lie to, govern, poison and control. Here's a good video explanation regarding how divorce has been purposely accelerated through screen media, to destabilize our society and culture. Women are programmed in one way (always negative) and men are programmed in other ways...yet always negative as well. All on purpose, all by design, all without our conscious awareness, all well documented cause and effect. If you're curious as to how all this mental manipulation works and how to protect yourself from it, you may be interested in becoming a certified self sabotage coach. Drop me a line personally at innerexpression88@gmail.com for more information."

Happy Fathers Day - - Relationships are a Work in Progress

Relationships are a work in progress and that includes our relationships with our fathers. Our fathers live in every cell of us.

No matter how well we think we might know someone, we need to keep working on improving communication and learning more about our fathers, mothers, partners. Something I highly recommend is doing a genogram of your family. Yes, there are family members who are no longer with us but we can always ask those who are to share their memories of ones who are not. Something I learnt from a very wise woman, teacher, mentor, and friend (Dr Anngwyn St. Just Ph. D) is to ask our cousins. They have a totally different perspective and that usually leads us to hidden gems. It has for me.

We all change a lot over the years. It is easy to assume that we know everything about our family and our partners. However, it's important we have the willingness to learn about them in the present. Stay open, honest, and curious.

Being supportive of others while they work on their imperfections. can only improve our imperfections. Love is not always easy, but our commitment to it can create a sense of comfort and accomplishment.

~Collitalks

Dwelling on Your Bad Choices?

How many times do you recall dwelling on bad choices? Did dwelling on those choices improve your life? No matter what we do time goes on and so more important than dwelling on bad choices our subconscious made focus on this reality that if you remain so preoccupied with ruminating that you miss out on opportunities to make good choices.

A bad choice is only bad if you repeat it. A bad choice is only bad if you know you made it and then choose not to do something about not repeating it. The great thing is that you have the opportunity to learn from your unwise decisions. You have the choice to hack your subconscious and create new programs which lead to amazing ways out of the cycle of the same over and over. Pay attention to the wonderful things you still have. There are many ways to stop the self-sabotage cycle and then live a life of wellness, wholeness.

You made those choices based on the information and experience you had in childhood otherwise known as the familiar and perceived safe card but you are an adult now so open yourself to grow from your past choices and understanding that you can change the patterns that are not serving you in your adult life. Stop resisting all the good that could be in store for you once you realize you can make the choice to choose differently starting NOW.

~Collitalks

Acceptable Chaos Level otherwise known as What You Think You Deserve

I know this lady from a small town, who started to date a wealthy gentleman from the big city. Unfortunately, the small-town girl (who was extremely beautiful) grew up in a family where everything was in perpetual crisis. Every conversation around the home for her entire life was about picking up smokes at the corner store, drinking, child protective services, lawyers, divorce, domestic assaults, bars, bar fights, TV shows, movies, tattoos, piercings, drugs, firings, swearing, theft, etc. It wasn’t that her family was directly involved in each activity but these were the hot topics in the home.

Then we have this very successful boyfriend bring this lady over to his family’s luxury compound (on a private lake) for dinner, in the big city. Guess what happened? Her normal collides head-on with his normal and the psychic game of “do I deserve something different than my normal?” starts a war inside her head. She instantly tries to bring her normal into the dinner party by getting too drunk and starts conversations similar to what she’s been exposed to her entire life. Things don’t go so good as she actively starts to destroy “the good” coming into her life. On a psychological level…….what happened here?

Our subconscious mind digests all our experiences over our entire lifetime to establish what’s called “the acceptable chaos level“. This is the level that manifests in every decision we make throughout our entire life. Our external environment must always match our acceptable chaos level, or we start to modify our behavior to make that happen. If something good comes along that’s greater than we think we deserve subconsciously (because it’s not in line with our acceptable chaos level) we actually modify our behavior to destroy the good, until it comes down to something we’re familiar with. If something bad comes along that is lower than what we think we deserve subconsciously, we either try to make the bad thing better or reject it outright and walk away. If something equals what we think we deserve, the attraction is strong instantly, even if it’s completely illogical.

I remember going to a party with friends and let's just say one of my friends (who is a lady) grew up in a CHAOTIC home. Her acceptable chaos level is extremely high. She was used to extreme chaos. That’s her normal. What she tolerates is insane, to someone like myself. Regardless, we all carry this programming. There were amazing men at the party, whom she talked to, but at the end of the night, she appeared to have fallen in love with a recovering drug addict from a local halfway house, who of course would only bring the chaos she was used to, into her life. That’s how acceptable chaos levels work. You always match the chaos of your external world with the preexisting chaos in your mind, set into you by your childhood experiences. You always seek your normal…..until you become aware of what’s happening and then try to break the cycle.

This “acceptable chaos level” can also be called “what we think we deserve“. We often let the sum of our parent’s behaviors set our “deserve level” so we never insult them by becoming more than them. This way the child ego believes our parents will always love us because we don’t threaten them on any level. Developing personal expectations and “deserve levels” above the net sum of our childhood experiences is hard. Actually manifesting “higher standards” than our parents is often harder. The moral of this story is simple. If you find yourself destroying good things in your life or always lowering your life expectations, (dating losers, treating yourself like shit, never pursuing your dreams, always taking a back seat to everyone else, always aiming low, turning away from something good just because it’s new or something you’ve never experienced before) it’s most likely because of a low level of “deserve” your accumulated childhood experiences set into your belief systems. What we have in our lives is a mirror reflection of what we believe we deserve. If someone wants to change what they have in their life, they simply need to increase what they believe they deserve…..in a moral way of course. Look over your habits, see if they always match predetermined chaos levels set by your childhood experience, and then change that level. Change what you believe you deserve. It’s that simple. When you are ready email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com and put I deserve more in the subject title.

YOU are ENOUGH - - ALWAYS have BEEN - - ALWAYS will BE

We have all in one way or another been affected and know others who have been affected by someone who may have committed suicide.

Since March last year, many have given up and so if you have had thoughts of giving up give yourself credit for not acting on those thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to survive the urge.

You have made it this far. Please keep believing. Deep down we know we are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws our way.

We especially know this when we are connected to our source. It is our source that flows through us and we are the only ones who create the disconnect. The source is always there. Think of it this way. If you are always on your phone and someone else is wanting to speak with you they can't get through. Your source is always there - all you have to do is connect. Remember that you matter, you are loved, even if your thoughts tell you otherwise. There's always hope. There's always a way of making things better. Deep down, you know it too.

Please do not let those negative thoughts (we all have them - after all we are human) get the best of you. When those thoughts start to overwhelm you, connect to your source, pray, do something helpful like listening to uplifting music, meditate, go for a walk, hug a tree, reach in and talk to someone you trust, sleep - - all this will allow the not so good thoughts to pass.

Acknowledge yourself for recognizing you are hurting and then remind yourself ... You are enough. Always have been. Always will be. Blessed be. Love only

~Collitalks