8 Reasons A Real Man Would Never Cheat On Someone He Truly Loves

8 Reasons A Real Man Would Never Cheat On Someone He Truly Loves

Paul Hudson

So many boys, so few real men.

I’m rather pissed off at all you stupid boys, parading about like actual men. In fact, you recently cost me a potentially promising relationship. Because you’ve managed to cheat on so many women and break their trust, there seem to be very few women left who are willing to trust another man.

I have never before cheated on a woman in my life, nor will I ever do so. Unfortunately, very few women seem to believe me. I’m sure I’m not the only man who has come across a similar problem.

I’m certain that plenty of great guys have had to carry the baggage some other douchebag left behind. When you break a woman’s trust, you will never get it back. I really mean never. Sadly, you’re also ruining it for the next guy.

By cheating on a woman, you are screwing her over for the long run – she’ll likely be unable to trust another man for years to follow. Real men don’t cheat. Here’s why:

Real men are emotionally stable.

We usually hear about women having trouble controlling their emotions. Truth be told, men are much worse. While women have the intelligence to share their feelings and discuss their problems (most of the time), men like to keep it bottled up.

Until, of course, they can’t take it any longer and explode. When something goes wrong in a relationship, women may very well cry, they may complain, they may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment, but men – weak men – pretend like they feel nothing.

Once their cup flows over, they look for whatever release they can. They drink. They smoke. They f*ck. Unfortunately, since they aren’t on talking terms with their woman, they f*ck whatever they can find. Real men deal with their emotions appropriately.

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Real men have enough willpower to keep it in their pants.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this gentlemen, but because you are men you are going to want to sleep with every beautiful woman who crosses your path. Literally, every single one.

If you’re a real man, however, you won’t risk screwing up what you have for a brief few minutes in the sack with a woman you more than likely won’t have chemistry with. If you really want sex that badly then why not sleep with the woman who loves you?

If the sex bores you, then do something to make it more exciting. It takes two to tango – if she won’t bring the whipped cream then it’s up to you to do so.

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Real men don’t date women they don’t love or don’t believe they can one day love.

Obviously, we all date people we aren’t yet certain we will fall for — if love at first sight exists, it’s rarely the case. However, many will date someone they don’t especially care about simply for convenience.

Why go out to find tail when you can have it delivered? Real men understand that women aren’t objects and therefore don’t use them simply to satisfy their own needs. When they know they don’t love a woman then they cut things off instead of continuing to lead them on.

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Real men are respectful.

They treat people with respect when respect is due… especially when it comes to the women they’re dating. Cheating is lying; it’s breaking trust and it proves that you care little about your partner as a lover, friend and as a human being.

To cheat is to act as if you’re better than she is and the fact is that you aren’t. Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.

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Real men don’t need to add notches to their belts simply to make themselves feel like men.

Real men know that they’re real men. They can feel it with every step they take – and more often than not it shows. It shows in their demeanor and in their actions. Too many “men” these days believe it’s laudable to sleep with as many women as possible – as if it were some sort of game, and women are collectables of sorts.

Women aren’t objects, and this game that you’re playing is called life. If you get caught cheating and the stakes are high enough then you can ruin your life.

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Real men would never hurt the woman they love.

To be fair, real men would never hurt any woman, but especially not the woman they understand as being an extension of themselves. Real men love and care for themselves as well as those who are closest to them.

If you are lucky enough to have found a woman to love and are luckier still to have her love you back, then do everything in your power to keep her smiling. There is nothing worse in the world than losing a person you love. Mistakes are mistakes… but they aren’t always forgivable.

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Real men know what’s important in life – and it’s not another piece of ass.

Proper men are too busy living the life of their dreams to bother with excess. They are working on attaining all that it is that they want in life, but more importantly still, they understand what it is that they really want.

As men, we often want more than is good for us. Only when we get what we thought we wanted do we come to realize the error of our ways. I will tell you right now that there should only be one woman for you.

That one woman who will love you for your entire life is all that really matters. The rest you won’t even remember.

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Real men have the guts to break up with a woman.

If you plan on cheating on her then you clearly don’t want to be with her. Grow a pair and break things off. You’re clearly going to do it sooner or later.

Rip that bandaid off and get it over with. Be a real man and not a quivering coward.

Love and Sobriety have given Semko new life

Love and Sobriety have given Semko new life
Simon Hiatt - Metro Saskatoon

In a career that has taken him across the country and garner­ed international acclaim, both as a member of the Northern Pikes and as a solo artist, Saskatoon’s Jay Semko admits there is still some trepidation when it comes to the hometown gig.

“It’s always different than anywhere else,” said Semko, while laughing. “Partly because people here can also see me at Superstore.”

Fans who aren’t lucky enough to see him in the produce section will get their chance when he performs an acoustic set at The Refinery next week (May 17). He says the shows at home are easier on him now than they once were.

“I still can get a little bit nervous,” said Semko. “But there’s more of a confidence fac­tor now.” That feeling stems from some big changes in his lifestyle.

“I cleaned up a few years ago, I’ve been sober for five years now and that’s been a big part of getting my confidence back,” said Semko.

Success has also played a role in building Semko’s confidence. He recently received the Roots Album of the Year Award from the Saskatchewan Country Music Association for Force of Horses and his gospel song Drop You in the Water has been nominated for an International Independent Music Award.

But one only has to press play on his latest CD Sending Love to discover which change in his life has had the greatest impact. “Being in love adds a whole new dimension to your life,” said Semko. “I feel completely rejuvenated.”

Semko describes the CD of love songs as “pouring out of him quickly” inspired by his partner, Colli Christante, whom he met two years ago. The partnership has taken off on all fronts as she now also manages his career.

http://metronews.ca/scene/218746/love-and-sobriety-have-given-semko-new-life/

A Take-No-Sh*t List For Your Well Being

Have you ever walked by a tree that is branching out sideways out of a wall—baffling gravity in its existence? Janne Robinson

Or seen a flower that is growing through cracks in the cement and marveled at its sheer stubborn will to show up and not only exist, but resiliently thrive?

This list is not about merely existing. This list is not about primitive-survival self care. You already know how much water to drink, that you feel better when you exercise and eat nutritiously and get eight hours of sleep.

This list is about that next part—expanding your existence from a place of fire by living, speaking and breathing from within your power. It’s a “take no shit” list for your well being. You are a vigorous being of worth—plant your feet, own your brilliance and show up to this world by being in service to yourself with these nine steps.

1. Learn the art of boundaries and how to say “No.”

Most people want to be liked. Most of us have, at some point in our lives, said yes when we truly desired to say no. I am guilty of walking in the shoes of being a people pleaser. I want to say yes all the time, to everyone. However, it is sometimes a disservice to ourselves and those around us to exist solely to please. Boundaries are healthy and necessary. Boundaries with our friends, lovers, family, strangers, teachers and most importantly ourselves.

If a man in the café lineup asks you to sit with him for coffee and you have zilch interest in getting to know him, gently tell him that although you appreciate him reaching out to connect that right now all you want is some time with you. His feelings might be hurt for a nanosecond but you’ll have saved his time and your energy in the long run.

When you feel it deep in your gut that you don’t want to do something—honor your intuition and yourself. Learn to say no gently—and use it to be in service to yourself. Accommodating you and your power is important.

2. Get To Know Your Purple Elephants

You know those moments where you possess an urge to sweep something uncomfortable under the rug, super glue the rug down and then disconnect the wires so the lights remain off of it forever?

I want you to rip that rug off so quickly it may make your system shriek in shock, stare it dead in the eye and talk to it till it’s black and blue and free to walk transparently.

I want you to dive into the ocean of uncomfortable, French kiss mystery and flash the world your beautiful vulnerability. The people in your life will only love you more by your ability to be transparent with them.

Talk about your shame, guilt, and fears—get naked and douse it with as much awareness, light and empathy you can possibly create. Your purple elephant won’t survive and you will grow tall.

3. Be the person you want to fall in love with

I decided this year that instead of dating the men who did things I admired that I would learn to do those things myself. As a good friend of mine and relationship coach Mark says, “Make a list of all the things you want in a partner and then be that list yourself.”

I now live in a log cabin in the woods, wear plaid, smell like smoke and taste like the sea. I learned to chop kindling with my teeth, use a chainsaw, caulk a sink, put a paintbrush to canvas and I went after what I love—writing, hard. Next up on my list is learning, “Ain’t no sunshine” on the guitar, learning Spanish, and buying a beginners motorcycle. I may never grow a beard but I figure I will leave something for my future partner to be good at.

Sweep your own ass off your feet. Be an asset to yourself by showing up in this world doing the things you admire and love.

Be mad about you. You’ll attract an even more badass version of yourself by doing so.

 4. Take Personal Growth Courses

We up tune our cars, renovate our houses, repair our clothes and shoes—why wouldn’t we invest the time to tune-up our souls?

People associate “self growth” with “self help” and immediately throw a wall up and remark, “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

Our belief systems are formed by the age of six.

The way we react to resistance, receive affection, give love, communicate—all of this is formed in the earliest stages of our lives. Some of your deepest roots may come from experiences you don’t even remember anymore—that’s reason enough to dive in.

If we have negative limiting beliefs about ourselves or the world we live in they will affect how we progress, grow, live and love. The only way to uproot them is to identify them and spend time looking that sucker in the eye and telling it “you do not serve me.”

5. Spend less time glued to screens and more time living.

When we turn a TV on we turn off our brain—we check out and let someone autopilot our mind. It’s a great escapism—it can also be damaging. When you sit glued to the Internet, your phone or a TV you disconnect from the moment unraveling now. Our world is full of “smart phones and dumb people.”

Turn that shit off. Stimulate yourself out in the big beautiful, living, breathing world. Remember about ladybugs, lupins and stars.

6. Live Vicariously Through Yourself

It is not good enough to live our lives through anyone but ourselves—period. Reading a book about climbing Everest is not the same as climbing Everest. Looking at a friend’s photographs of snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef, or jumping with Machu Picchu behind them is great—but it doesn’t cut it.

We need to live our own desires and wants.

We need feel first hand what the thinning of oxygen feels like at 15,000 feet and observe the world around us vanish into rocks and ice. We need to stand at base camp and marvel at the mean mother herself.

We need to strap on a weight belt, spit in our mask, and ascend into the ocean decompressing as we marvel at Nemos and a rainbow of coral at our fingertips. Elbow past the 20 million other people getting a photograph in Peru to create our own jumping phenomenon.

Create space to speak the experiences into existence you desire—now.

 7. Learn To Receive support

Every single human being on this planet needs support. All of us.

We are not capable of carrying ourselves alone through life. It takes guts and courage to receive support. No one is taking away your power if you say yes to help. It does not mean you are unable or weak—it means you are human.

To receive is to give and to give is to receive.

By saying no to support you’re denying someone the gift of giving.

And if the entire time you are receiving you are planning of ways to reciprocate it, you aren’t honoring the other person’s gift. Accept with grace and just say yes.

8. Take time to do nothing.

The first time I flew to visit Greece, my motherland, I learned the art of spending time doing nothing. From 2-5pm in Crete all of the cities (even the biggest ones) close down their shops. Why? Well, to take naps, drink coffee and eat. It is possibly why their economy is in complete turmoil but that’s beside the point—these people know how to live. They will probably outlive us all.

Our bodies need rest. They need to decompress and to unravel.

The reason we get sick is because we go, go, go, go and don’t make space to rest. When we get sick it is our bodies way of slamming on the breaks and forcing us to rest. Your body essentially gives you a time out.

Take time to sit at a café and drink coffee. Take naps—for the love of god, take so many naps. Take some time to lay like a lizard in the sun and just Greek out, man. The world will wait.

9. Never stop learning.

The way to keep a truly juicy relationship with our partners and ourselves is to eat up all the knowledge we can, take a short digestive break and then seek more.

“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them.”

~ John Waters

I have a friend who told me the reason she loves her boyfriend so much is that he is constantly finding new hobbies: rock climbing, banjo playing, spear fishing, yoga, gardening, astrology, learning French, ice climbing.

Drink up knowledge like it is the sweetest nectar you have ever tasted. Expand your mind, keep your relationships exciting and build you in the meantime. Win-Win-Win.

Janne Robinson

~

We met seven years ago, and the pure physical joy between us has never paused for breath. Keeley Milne

I cannot wrap my mind around why my body so loves his, but oh, how it does.

Every inch—from the curve of his smile, to the way his hair sticks up after sleep, to the strength of his shoulders, his legs, him wrapped around me.

There is no curbing this chemistry.

When we broke up for a time, we couldn’t even meet one another for coffee because we knew what passion it would lead to (and he respected me too much to engage in random sex). There is love, yes—the kind that comes with true recognition of one another, complete with peccadilloes, inadequacies. He challenges my mind—and that in itself is erotic—but this is really about two bodies colliding.

Somewhere that love has meshed with the lust and created a mind-blowing bliss I could never have imagined.

I like to think I am very strong, independent and need no completion. Were I to remain single for the rest of my life, I believe I would remain at peace, loving, happy and engaged with the world around me. I need no other, no better half, no partner.

I am a full, rich being in my own right.

But my pure animal lust for him cannot be denied. I’ve dated other men before him, even been married. Nothing has ever tipped my world upside down like this. He is the ocean to my beach, the lullabye to my nightmare, the cream to my sugar. He is every cheesy line in every ridiculous greeting card ever written.

He is the antidote to my poison.

When I am with him, my mind goes quiet.  For someone who has searched the world over for a mind at peace, this is heaven encapsulated. Perhaps that is why I can then so eagerly turn to tactile pleasures, a kiss, a stroke, a sigh.

My body feels strong with him. He predicts my movements, knows my rhythms, answers with his own. His heat seeks mine, he loves me wholly and deeply. To paraphrase John Mayer, he “never lets my head hit the bed without his hand behind it.”

The sex is full of connection at times, other times just pure unadulterated passion. Always, there is trust.

I fought against this pleasure for years. Believing myself, us, undeserving. I wasted time tangled up in disaster-webs of my own weaving. Now, my heart has opened to embrace this as a part of my new life. In another lifetime, I hated every inch of my skin, every ounce of fat, every freckle and strand of hair.

Now, my body is a miracle in action. Running, hiking, f*cking—I am proud of every movement it makes.

He rolls over in the night and reaches for me, tucks an arm around me, pulls me close. I am blessed abundantly, and I do not push this love away. My body and heart have earned these rights—to be held closely and safely, to be made love to riotously and thoroughly.

To be loved through and through, and then over again.

To be at peace, mind and body.

Keeley Milne~

Relephant Reads:

F*ck, I Love You.

Why Affairs Happen

Understanding Affairs and Why They Happen By James Earl

Affairs are like hand grenades under relationships.

When a couple asks me to help them repair the damage, I usually offer them some plain facts first.

• In the UK, about 50% of long term relationships end in separation or divorce. (Most people have heard that statistic). But more surprisingly:

• The estimated incidence of infidelity of one or both partners in long term relationships isover 50%, according to one reputable UK source.

If this latter figure is right, infidelity is much more common that normally acknowledged.

This fact can sometimes help a couple understand that the crisis they are experiencing is part-and-parcel of many, if not most, normal relationships – not so-called failed ones. And thatthousands of people have trodden this ground before and have managed to get back on track, together.

John and Julie, who I saw recently, are a good case in point. John asked me, ‘doesn’t it make you depressed how bad humans are at keeping their promises?’ I replied, ‘you can look at it that way if you want. But how
about considering how impressive it is that we struggle with really,really difficult ideals despite our weaknesses, and keep on trying?’

Is marriage a ‘difficult ideal?’ Well, experience tells us it is. We ask ONE person to be our best friend, to be our business partner (most couples share the biggest financial commitment of their life in property), to be a co-parent in raising children, to be the centre of our community circle: and then also to be our lover. That is one incredible demand: difficult to ask, and difficult to deliver.

Most couples find, after the first five years – though the honeymoon phase varies enormously – that the relationship settles down to a comfortable normal life offering warmth, security and a feeling of home (the sort of experience we last had when we were kids, if we were lucky). At the same time, we may start complaining that despite the feeling of love and stability, desire has started to diminish, and that the intimate side of things is not exactly ‘hot’. In fact, it may be quite difficult to see your best friend/business partner/co-parent as a lover at all: or perhaps you become aware that they aren’t seeing you like that any more.

Either way, it isn’t really the diminishing of sex that is the issue (that’s just a symptom): it is more the loss of a side of oneself that the other person once brought out, and now seems swept aside by everyday life.
Julie said: ‘the thing is, I still love John.’ He snapped back, ‘how come you did what you did if you still love me?’ She said, ‘I think I just felt re-connected again with some part of me I’d forgotten.’ ‘You mean, sex?’

‘No, not sex, just a sense of youth, difference, excitement, unpredictability.’
It is worth trying to understand why affairs happen, if you are going to recover from them, or to avoid them. The person that strays rarely does it for (just) sex. Nor do they do it in the hope of a new relationship. It is usually down to a lost sense of self that can happen even inloving marriages. A lost sense of self that often another – even random – person can accidentally reawaken in you. (I believe Julie when she says he still loves John. The affair was not to do with her loving John. It was about another side of herself that the marriage had inadvertently crowded out.)

We all want stable marriages, yet complain about them being boring or routine. This is a built-in paradox: security versus excitement, or love versus desire, if you like.

I work with couples all the time who ask me how they can avoid the hand grenade of an affair.The best general advice I can give is to realize that, alongside stability and certainty, we all crave excitement, change, individuality, difference and growth.To achieve this, the most successful couples let the other person develop as an individual, not just as a half of a couple. It means a degree of unpredictability, and even risk, to allow your partner their own space to grow as themselves. But it can be our best security, in the long term.
You might expect a relationship counselor to say ‘it’s good to be close’. I would suggest: ‘it’s even better to make space for each other.’

i can't fix it

i can't fix it ... okay so guilty as charged but then again not really. There is no guilt. Rather, realization. After an amazing session of Body Talk I got off the table and had an epiphany - "i can't fix it." I am the adult daughter of an alcoholic, the lines run deep affecting many in and out of my immediate family and for too many years, most of my life i have attempted to FIX IT. What is it? In my next writings this will unfold and as many of you who read this will no doubt relate to for good or not ... you too may be the carrier of "i need to fix this" or perhaps unconsciously just went about attempting to. Until ...

Are You A Disappearing Woman

Are You A Disappearing Woman? I got married right after college. I never lived on my own.  I had no idea who I was. I knew that I wanted a career. I wanted a family. I wanted it all. Well, the family came quickly and I had two children, but then I began to feel very unfulfilled. I loved being a mom, but knew that I needed more in my life in terms of my “own thing”. I was lost and unfortunately, because I lost myself in this marriage, I ended up divorcing my husband. I can’t be too hard on myself. After all, I saw my mom give up much of her identity in her marriage to my father. She was my role model. She built her life around him, his family, his friends and it worked fairly well. I think they had a good enough marriage, but I wanted more in my life and I had no idea where to begin to find myself. In her Huffington Post article, author, Vicki Larsen speaks about this.  She quotes Psychoanalyst Beverly Engel, author of Loving Him Without Losing Yourself, who calls this the Disappearing Woman -- what happens when women lose track of what they believe in, what they stand for, what's important to them and what makes them happy just because they happen to be in a relationship. "No matter how successful, assertive, or powerful some women are, the moment they become involved with a man they begin to give up part of themselves -- their social life, their time alone, their spiritual practice, their beliefs and values," Engel writes. "In time, these women find they have merged their lives with their partners' to the point where they have no life to go back to when and if the relationship ends." Why can’t we stay true to ourselves in a relationship? Engel says that we want to be nice because we’ve learned that being nice is important in order to sustain a relationship. "She'll pretend to agree when she doesn't really agree, she'll go along with things she doesn't really believe in, and if she does that long enough, she'll no longer know what she feels," Engel says. Author Larsen says "How many women do you know who will break plans or give up a favorite activity for a guy? Not that it's not OK to do that from time to time or for certain situations; it's just that somehow in the togetherness of coupledom too many of us forget to have a life of our own. Instead, we look to our partner to fulfill all our needs -- and get frustrated and resentful when he doesn't. Then we see the problem as something wrong with him, and not us." What are your thoughts? Are we just fulfilling the nice girl syndrome or is it that we don’t have a clear picture of our identity and core essence as a woman outside of a relationship? To Your Success! Bonnie Marcus