Lying and Self Sabotage - Why people Lie

Lying And Self Sabotage - Why People Lie

This question is from the private forum for self-sabotage coaches around the world. A question was asked........" how would you coach a liar, someone where lying is part of who they are and what they do? People who lie about small things, big things, and all things?"

The answer provided was this......."Usually, liars are produced by perfectionist parents, who attack the child if there's a mistake outside the preferred behavior. This is where most adult liars come from, a fear of judgment and a fear of never being outside the critical eye of the parent/authority figure. If you fear being judged if wrong, you lie.

This cycle produces a reaction in the psyche that will force the child to lie, in order to avoid punishment or judgment, which threatens their safety. Liars have never made their proper rite of passage from child to adult whatsoever and many liars do indeed lie about things that don't have to be lied about, simply because this pathway is hyper facilitated. I know many people like this and it will cause great resistance energy in any tribe of fully matured adults. Adult liars have child psyches and therefore poor leadership skills. Low confidence in their abilities always follows in the other members of the tribe. Strong men and women never lie.

Growth is about the experience, experience is about making mistakes and dealing with those mistakes, not avoiding their sting. Liars buffer themselves from that sting, which promotes growth through pain, and therefore liars are often trapped in a severe form of arrested development. The growth cycle of a human is simple.

Experience is encountered as we age ........... mistakes are made .......... pain is produced from the mistakes ..... and positive change/maturation occurs if the pain is dealt with correctly. Liars never get past the second part of that equation because they refuse to admit to any wrongdoing, mistakes, or problems that they need to remedy. Lies protect us from painful introspection and therefore lies protect us from growth and the proper maturation cycles that end with us entering our true adult role in the tribe. Without tribal leaders, the tribe falls apart.

Adult liars (regardless of what they lie about) are clear threats to the perpetuation of any society, culture, tribe, etc. In ancient societies, adults who refused to take their proper rite of passage from child to adult were often murdered as they slept because it was just too risky to let them live out child-based behaviors and thought patterns as adults. If we look at our leaders today in most facets of our society, the threat nonmature adults pose to the entire tribe should be extremely obvious.

Currently, in most countries, we are being led by children trapped in adult bodies. Our societies are collapsing because of it, as was always known by all ancient cultures."

Want to Stop People Pleasing?

Isn't it time you stopped obsessing about what others think of you? Do you realize how much time you have wasted - - way too much time worrying whether other people are judging you.

That is a pattern and it is time to shift that pattern. When you give more importance to others' opinions of you than what you believe about yourself, you become a people pleaser. Do you know that you can actually be addicted to people-pleasing because the reality of people-pleasing is you are not doing it for others but for what it gives you?

As a result, you always put others first, ignore your own needs and end up feeling inauthentic. When we give over our power to others, we lose out on who we really are and that being a secondary gain is what this post is all about. Want to know how not to be a people pleaser ... ask an x people pleaser email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com

~Collitalks

Selling Divorce Based Self Sabotage to the West

Take something that is concerning and destructive to self, other and our society..... and make it about self sabotage. Make your audience start seeing the repetitive content in their media systems.

"Selling Divorce Based Self Sabotage to The West

Self sabotage is often very simple yet hard to grasp for the average person. The truth is.....we don't control our behavior in the way we think or the way we're taught. If you knew how your behavior was manufactured by the repetitive content in your environment, you would really pay more attention to the repetitive content in your environment.

The people who rule us know that our subconscious mind is literally designed as a repetitive content identifier. Once the repetitive content is identified, our subconscious forces us to act it out, beyond our conscious awareness. The people who rule us engineer our behavior, through repetitive screen content, because they understand how the subconscious mind works......while the average screen watcher has no clue how their subconscious mind works. What ever our social engineers want us to do, they simply make us see that particular repetitive content on the screen and we act it out.

The repetitive content we're exposed to purposely, by our human farmers, is always negative.......which in turn makes us easier to rule, manipulate, steal from, lie to, govern, poison and control. Here's a good video explanation regarding how divorce has been purposely accelerated through screen media, to destabilize our society and culture. Women are programmed in one way (always negative) and men are programmed in other ways...yet always negative as well. All on purpose, all by design, all without our conscious awareness, all well documented cause and effect. If you're curious as to how all this mental manipulation works and how to protect yourself from it, you may be interested in becoming a certified self sabotage coach. Drop me a line personally at innerexpression88@gmail.com for more information."

Happy Fathers Day - - Relationships are a Work in Progress

Relationships are a work in progress and that includes our relationships with our fathers. Our fathers live in every cell of us.

No matter how well we think we might know someone, we need to keep working on improving communication and learning more about our fathers, mothers, partners. Something I highly recommend is doing a genogram of your family. Yes, there are family members who are no longer with us but we can always ask those who are to share their memories of ones who are not. Something I learnt from a very wise woman, teacher, mentor, and friend (Dr Anngwyn St. Just Ph. D) is to ask our cousins. They have a totally different perspective and that usually leads us to hidden gems. It has for me.

We all change a lot over the years. It is easy to assume that we know everything about our family and our partners. However, it's important we have the willingness to learn about them in the present. Stay open, honest, and curious.

Being supportive of others while they work on their imperfections. can only improve our imperfections. Love is not always easy, but our commitment to it can create a sense of comfort and accomplishment.

~Collitalks

Dwelling on Your Bad Choices?

How many times do you recall dwelling on bad choices? Did dwelling on those choices improve your life? No matter what we do time goes on and so more important than dwelling on bad choices our subconscious made focus on this reality that if you remain so preoccupied with ruminating that you miss out on opportunities to make good choices.

A bad choice is only bad if you repeat it. A bad choice is only bad if you know you made it and then choose not to do something about not repeating it. The great thing is that you have the opportunity to learn from your unwise decisions. You have the choice to hack your subconscious and create new programs which lead to amazing ways out of the cycle of the same over and over. Pay attention to the wonderful things you still have. There are many ways to stop the self-sabotage cycle and then live a life of wellness, wholeness.

You made those choices based on the information and experience you had in childhood otherwise known as the familiar and perceived safe card but you are an adult now so open yourself to grow from your past choices and understanding that you can change the patterns that are not serving you in your adult life. Stop resisting all the good that could be in store for you once you realize you can make the choice to choose differently starting NOW.

~Collitalks

Acceptable Chaos Level otherwise known as What You Think You Deserve

I know this lady from a small town, who started to date a wealthy gentleman from the big city. Unfortunately, the small-town girl (who was extremely beautiful) grew up in a family where everything was in perpetual crisis. Every conversation around the home for her entire life was about picking up smokes at the corner store, drinking, child protective services, lawyers, divorce, domestic assaults, bars, bar fights, TV shows, movies, tattoos, piercings, drugs, firings, swearing, theft, etc. It wasn’t that her family was directly involved in each activity but these were the hot topics in the home.

Then we have this very successful boyfriend bring this lady over to his family’s luxury compound (on a private lake) for dinner, in the big city. Guess what happened? Her normal collides head-on with his normal and the psychic game of “do I deserve something different than my normal?” starts a war inside her head. She instantly tries to bring her normal into the dinner party by getting too drunk and starts conversations similar to what she’s been exposed to her entire life. Things don’t go so good as she actively starts to destroy “the good” coming into her life. On a psychological level…….what happened here?

Our subconscious mind digests all our experiences over our entire lifetime to establish what’s called “the acceptable chaos level“. This is the level that manifests in every decision we make throughout our entire life. Our external environment must always match our acceptable chaos level, or we start to modify our behavior to make that happen. If something good comes along that’s greater than we think we deserve subconsciously (because it’s not in line with our acceptable chaos level) we actually modify our behavior to destroy the good, until it comes down to something we’re familiar with. If something bad comes along that is lower than what we think we deserve subconsciously, we either try to make the bad thing better or reject it outright and walk away. If something equals what we think we deserve, the attraction is strong instantly, even if it’s completely illogical.

I remember going to a party with friends and let's just say one of my friends (who is a lady) grew up in a CHAOTIC home. Her acceptable chaos level is extremely high. She was used to extreme chaos. That’s her normal. What she tolerates is insane, to someone like myself. Regardless, we all carry this programming. There were amazing men at the party, whom she talked to, but at the end of the night, she appeared to have fallen in love with a recovering drug addict from a local halfway house, who of course would only bring the chaos she was used to, into her life. That’s how acceptable chaos levels work. You always match the chaos of your external world with the preexisting chaos in your mind, set into you by your childhood experiences. You always seek your normal…..until you become aware of what’s happening and then try to break the cycle.

This “acceptable chaos level” can also be called “what we think we deserve“. We often let the sum of our parent’s behaviors set our “deserve level” so we never insult them by becoming more than them. This way the child ego believes our parents will always love us because we don’t threaten them on any level. Developing personal expectations and “deserve levels” above the net sum of our childhood experiences is hard. Actually manifesting “higher standards” than our parents is often harder. The moral of this story is simple. If you find yourself destroying good things in your life or always lowering your life expectations, (dating losers, treating yourself like shit, never pursuing your dreams, always taking a back seat to everyone else, always aiming low, turning away from something good just because it’s new or something you’ve never experienced before) it’s most likely because of a low level of “deserve” your accumulated childhood experiences set into your belief systems. What we have in our lives is a mirror reflection of what we believe we deserve. If someone wants to change what they have in their life, they simply need to increase what they believe they deserve…..in a moral way of course. Look over your habits, see if they always match predetermined chaos levels set by your childhood experience, and then change that level. Change what you believe you deserve. It’s that simple. When you are ready email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com and put I deserve more in the subject title.

YOU are ENOUGH - - ALWAYS have BEEN - - ALWAYS will BE

We have all in one way or another been affected and know others who have been affected by someone who may have committed suicide.

Since March last year, many have given up and so if you have had thoughts of giving up give yourself credit for not acting on those thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to survive the urge.

You have made it this far. Please keep believing. Deep down we know we are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws our way.

We especially know this when we are connected to our source. It is our source that flows through us and we are the only ones who create the disconnect. The source is always there. Think of it this way. If you are always on your phone and someone else is wanting to speak with you they can't get through. Your source is always there - all you have to do is connect. Remember that you matter, you are loved, even if your thoughts tell you otherwise. There's always hope. There's always a way of making things better. Deep down, you know it too.

Please do not let those negative thoughts (we all have them - after all we are human) get the best of you. When those thoughts start to overwhelm you, connect to your source, pray, do something helpful like listening to uplifting music, meditate, go for a walk, hug a tree, reach in and talk to someone you trust, sleep - - all this will allow the not so good thoughts to pass.

Acknowledge yourself for recognizing you are hurting and then remind yourself ... You are enough. Always have been. Always will be. Blessed be. Love only

~Collitalks

Do your Goals seem out of Reach?

When your goals begin to seem out of reach, take a step back instead of quitting.

Staying consistent and overcoming numerous challenges in and on our journey, means we have to focus on becoming the person who could achieve that goal. How does this person think, what would they see, hear, feel, or what would they feel, hear and see and what action do they take? This is called role modeling.

We can model another who has achieved specific outcomes (goals). This can be done through strategy elicitation. Everyone has a strategy - - absolutely everyone. Some strategies are great. Others not so much. Right now think about your strategies. Think about the way you go about your day. That is a strategy. Did you know strategies can be changed?

Over the years working with my dream clients I have elicited strategies to get to the root of why certain dream clients were not reaching their goals. Next, I would decode the strategy of people who had achieved goals that my dream clients wanted to reach but were not reaching. The next thing we did was something called transference of strategies and BOOM. Once they had their new strategy and continued to focus on their behavior and habits they were aligned with all their goals and everything else fell into place.

Focusing on the simple things can take you in the direction you want to go. Here is the KEY: You have to know where you want to go.

~Collitalks

Self Sabotage Insight - Taking on the Role of Career or Rescuer

Self Sabotage Insight - Taking on The Role of Carer or Rescuer

 

The “rescuer” or “carer” in self sabotage is a common adaptation for fitting into the herd. It’s a safe role to play inside the tribe because very few tribes cast their “carer” aside. The societal roles we adopt rarely reflect anything but our need to acquire the most safety. The carer or rescuer role always ends in misery, addiction and premature death. Here's why.

The “rescuer” or “carer” is a personality type many people adopt, where they always find the wounded bird to take care of their entire lives. They program themselves to believe that everyone else deserves care, attention and rescuing.....while usually giving themselves no care or self maintenance in return. You can't give from an empty well. The carer or rescuer always drain themselves and then keep giving well beyond their ability to recover. They do this because they believe "giving" is the safer role to play inside the tribe.The carer or rescuer often seeks out the most dysfunctional groups or individuals to care for, in order to fulfill their subconscious adaptation programming. The more dysfunctional the group or person to care for, the better. 

The "carer" or "rescuer" often come from family backgrounds where their parents were dysfunctional, addicted, medicated, diseased, self abusive etc. This translates into a need to rescue others for life, when in reality the young adult (who becomes the carer or rescuer) is simply attempting to rescue or care for their parents subconsciously, for the rest of their days. The rescuer or carer behavior program often represents a dysfunctional bonding adaptation with the alpha and omega figures (mother and/or father) from their original family unit.

This often manifests as the carer or rescuer taking up employment in nursing, mental health sectors, the medical field, charity work, religious organizations, the social justice movement or a wing of government that tries to "help" the less fortunate etc etc. Each organization listed only produces more dysfunctional people, which is great for the carer or rescuer, because the supply of victims never dries up. In psychology you become who you hang around, so the tragic end to this story is already baked in the cake. This leads to the person always giving their energy away yet never getting any energy back in return.......which is just the way the carer or rescuer like it. To them, playing the victim or martyr (compared to rising up to their full potential) is more beneficial for gaining societal attention. 

That's the big secret though, you can care for tens of thousands more effectively if you're super successful. If you're successful on all levels, you don't have to give until you bleed.....and therefore everyone wins. 

The carer or rescuer is simply afraid of being successful on all levels because that brings judgement from other tribal members who are equally afraid of rising up to their full potential. The rescuer or carer doesn't even believe they deserve anything more than being the doormat or the martyr. This is why they get stuck in their stuckness.

The carer or rescuer is always drained of their energy, which is where they feel most comfortable and safe. 

Comfortable and safe as the perpetual punching bag for others, who often prey on people who are willing to give away their energy for free. The rescuer and carer are super comfortable and feel safer giving yet never receiving. The “carer” cares for everyone else but themselves, even though they suffer immensely under the societal role they decided to adopt, in order to find security in the tribe.

The “carer” believes they'll be attacked if they rise up beyond the dysfunction of the tribe and the pain this role causes them daily. It's a trap, as all self sabotage cycles are. There is no greater safety to be found when you actively destroy yourself, in order to fit into a society that routinely consumes its own.  If the carer or rescuer rises up to their true potential, they fear becoming the proverbial tall poppy that gets hacked down by the underachieving hoards who do this hacking as an Olympic sport. Yes it's scary to rise above the average, but that's not a good enough reason to dull your shine for your entire life! 

No one hates the janitor yet most people hate the CEO. It's safer at the bottom than the top. If people lack the courage to make it to the top of the crab bucket, the bottom is where you can feel safer in the bigger cluster of childlike crabs, who watch life from the cheap seats. In the end “the carer” or “rescuer” equates suffering to taking the high moral ground but it's the ultimate ambush. They’re just simply afraid to let the best of themselves shine through and pursue the amazing life they’re completely capable of manifesting for themselves at any time. 

If you find any truth in this short explanation and you would like to overcome your personal self sabotage, email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com Title your email, "I want to change. It's time. I'm ready." Are you tired of playing small? If you are, make a move.