Acceptable Chaos Level otherwise known as What You Think You Deserve

I know this lady from a small town, who started to date a wealthy gentleman from the big city. Unfortunately, the small-town girl (who was extremely beautiful) grew up in a family where everything was in perpetual crisis. Every conversation around the home for her entire life was about picking up smokes at the corner store, drinking, child protective services, lawyers, divorce, domestic assaults, bars, bar fights, TV shows, movies, tattoos, piercings, drugs, firings, swearing, theft, etc. It wasn’t that her family was directly involved in each activity but these were the hot topics in the home.

Then we have this very successful boyfriend bring this lady over to his family’s luxury compound (on a private lake) for dinner, in the big city. Guess what happened? Her normal collides head-on with his normal and the psychic game of “do I deserve something different than my normal?” starts a war inside her head. She instantly tries to bring her normal into the dinner party by getting too drunk and starts conversations similar to what she’s been exposed to her entire life. Things don’t go so good as she actively starts to destroy “the good” coming into her life. On a psychological level…….what happened here?

Our subconscious mind digests all our experiences over our entire lifetime to establish what’s called “the acceptable chaos level“. This is the level that manifests in every decision we make throughout our entire life. Our external environment must always match our acceptable chaos level, or we start to modify our behavior to make that happen. If something good comes along that’s greater than we think we deserve subconsciously (because it’s not in line with our acceptable chaos level) we actually modify our behavior to destroy the good, until it comes down to something we’re familiar with. If something bad comes along that is lower than what we think we deserve subconsciously, we either try to make the bad thing better or reject it outright and walk away. If something equals what we think we deserve, the attraction is strong instantly, even if it’s completely illogical.

I remember going to a party with friends and let's just say one of my friends (who is a lady) grew up in a CHAOTIC home. Her acceptable chaos level is extremely high. She was used to extreme chaos. That’s her normal. What she tolerates is insane, to someone like myself. Regardless, we all carry this programming. There were amazing men at the party, whom she talked to, but at the end of the night, she appeared to have fallen in love with a recovering drug addict from a local halfway house, who of course would only bring the chaos she was used to, into her life. That’s how acceptable chaos levels work. You always match the chaos of your external world with the preexisting chaos in your mind, set into you by your childhood experiences. You always seek your normal…..until you become aware of what’s happening and then try to break the cycle.

This “acceptable chaos level” can also be called “what we think we deserve“. We often let the sum of our parent’s behaviors set our “deserve level” so we never insult them by becoming more than them. This way the child ego believes our parents will always love us because we don’t threaten them on any level. Developing personal expectations and “deserve levels” above the net sum of our childhood experiences is hard. Actually manifesting “higher standards” than our parents is often harder. The moral of this story is simple. If you find yourself destroying good things in your life or always lowering your life expectations, (dating losers, treating yourself like shit, never pursuing your dreams, always taking a back seat to everyone else, always aiming low, turning away from something good just because it’s new or something you’ve never experienced before) it’s most likely because of a low level of “deserve” your accumulated childhood experiences set into your belief systems. What we have in our lives is a mirror reflection of what we believe we deserve. If someone wants to change what they have in their life, they simply need to increase what they believe they deserve…..in a moral way of course. Look over your habits, see if they always match predetermined chaos levels set by your childhood experience, and then change that level. Change what you believe you deserve. It’s that simple. When you are ready email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com and put I deserve more in the subject title.

YOU are ENOUGH - - ALWAYS have BEEN - - ALWAYS will BE

We have all in one way or another been affected and know others who have been affected by someone who may have committed suicide.

Since March last year, many have given up and so if you have had thoughts of giving up give yourself credit for not acting on those thoughts. It takes a lot of courage to survive the urge.

You have made it this far. Please keep believing. Deep down we know we are strong enough to deal with whatever life throws our way.

We especially know this when we are connected to our source. It is our source that flows through us and we are the only ones who create the disconnect. The source is always there. Think of it this way. If you are always on your phone and someone else is wanting to speak with you they can't get through. Your source is always there - all you have to do is connect. Remember that you matter, you are loved, even if your thoughts tell you otherwise. There's always hope. There's always a way of making things better. Deep down, you know it too.

Please do not let those negative thoughts (we all have them - after all we are human) get the best of you. When those thoughts start to overwhelm you, connect to your source, pray, do something helpful like listening to uplifting music, meditate, go for a walk, hug a tree, reach in and talk to someone you trust, sleep - - all this will allow the not so good thoughts to pass.

Acknowledge yourself for recognizing you are hurting and then remind yourself ... You are enough. Always have been. Always will be. Blessed be. Love only

~Collitalks

Do your Goals seem out of Reach?

When your goals begin to seem out of reach, take a step back instead of quitting.

Staying consistent and overcoming numerous challenges in and on our journey, means we have to focus on becoming the person who could achieve that goal. How does this person think, what would they see, hear, feel, or what would they feel, hear and see and what action do they take? This is called role modeling.

We can model another who has achieved specific outcomes (goals). This can be done through strategy elicitation. Everyone has a strategy - - absolutely everyone. Some strategies are great. Others not so much. Right now think about your strategies. Think about the way you go about your day. That is a strategy. Did you know strategies can be changed?

Over the years working with my dream clients I have elicited strategies to get to the root of why certain dream clients were not reaching their goals. Next, I would decode the strategy of people who had achieved goals that my dream clients wanted to reach but were not reaching. The next thing we did was something called transference of strategies and BOOM. Once they had their new strategy and continued to focus on their behavior and habits they were aligned with all their goals and everything else fell into place.

Focusing on the simple things can take you in the direction you want to go. Here is the KEY: You have to know where you want to go.

~Collitalks

Self Sabotage Insight - Taking on the Role of Career or Rescuer

Self Sabotage Insight - Taking on The Role of Carer or Rescuer

 

The “rescuer” or “carer” in self sabotage is a common adaptation for fitting into the herd. It’s a safe role to play inside the tribe because very few tribes cast their “carer” aside. The societal roles we adopt rarely reflect anything but our need to acquire the most safety. The carer or rescuer role always ends in misery, addiction and premature death. Here's why.

The “rescuer” or “carer” is a personality type many people adopt, where they always find the wounded bird to take care of their entire lives. They program themselves to believe that everyone else deserves care, attention and rescuing.....while usually giving themselves no care or self maintenance in return. You can't give from an empty well. The carer or rescuer always drain themselves and then keep giving well beyond their ability to recover. They do this because they believe "giving" is the safer role to play inside the tribe.The carer or rescuer often seeks out the most dysfunctional groups or individuals to care for, in order to fulfill their subconscious adaptation programming. The more dysfunctional the group or person to care for, the better. 

The "carer" or "rescuer" often come from family backgrounds where their parents were dysfunctional, addicted, medicated, diseased, self abusive etc. This translates into a need to rescue others for life, when in reality the young adult (who becomes the carer or rescuer) is simply attempting to rescue or care for their parents subconsciously, for the rest of their days. The rescuer or carer behavior program often represents a dysfunctional bonding adaptation with the alpha and omega figures (mother and/or father) from their original family unit.

This often manifests as the carer or rescuer taking up employment in nursing, mental health sectors, the medical field, charity work, religious organizations, the social justice movement or a wing of government that tries to "help" the less fortunate etc etc. Each organization listed only produces more dysfunctional people, which is great for the carer or rescuer, because the supply of victims never dries up. In psychology you become who you hang around, so the tragic end to this story is already baked in the cake. This leads to the person always giving their energy away yet never getting any energy back in return.......which is just the way the carer or rescuer like it. To them, playing the victim or martyr (compared to rising up to their full potential) is more beneficial for gaining societal attention. 

That's the big secret though, you can care for tens of thousands more effectively if you're super successful. If you're successful on all levels, you don't have to give until you bleed.....and therefore everyone wins. 

The carer or rescuer is simply afraid of being successful on all levels because that brings judgement from other tribal members who are equally afraid of rising up to their full potential. The rescuer or carer doesn't even believe they deserve anything more than being the doormat or the martyr. This is why they get stuck in their stuckness.

The carer or rescuer is always drained of their energy, which is where they feel most comfortable and safe. 

Comfortable and safe as the perpetual punching bag for others, who often prey on people who are willing to give away their energy for free. The rescuer and carer are super comfortable and feel safer giving yet never receiving. The “carer” cares for everyone else but themselves, even though they suffer immensely under the societal role they decided to adopt, in order to find security in the tribe.

The “carer” believes they'll be attacked if they rise up beyond the dysfunction of the tribe and the pain this role causes them daily. It's a trap, as all self sabotage cycles are. There is no greater safety to be found when you actively destroy yourself, in order to fit into a society that routinely consumes its own.  If the carer or rescuer rises up to their true potential, they fear becoming the proverbial tall poppy that gets hacked down by the underachieving hoards who do this hacking as an Olympic sport. Yes it's scary to rise above the average, but that's not a good enough reason to dull your shine for your entire life! 

No one hates the janitor yet most people hate the CEO. It's safer at the bottom than the top. If people lack the courage to make it to the top of the crab bucket, the bottom is where you can feel safer in the bigger cluster of childlike crabs, who watch life from the cheap seats. In the end “the carer” or “rescuer” equates suffering to taking the high moral ground but it's the ultimate ambush. They’re just simply afraid to let the best of themselves shine through and pursue the amazing life they’re completely capable of manifesting for themselves at any time. 

If you find any truth in this short explanation and you would like to overcome your personal self sabotage, email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com Title your email, "I want to change. It's time. I'm ready." Are you tired of playing small? If you are, make a move.

Overcoming Worst - Case Scenario Thoughts

Many of us and I include myself here tend to jump to the worst-case scenarios without even considering all the realistic options available to us at the moment. We do it because we try to convince ourselves that we're preparing for the perceived worst-case situation. But all we actually end up doing is ruminate over negative emotions and ignore any positive possibilities.

I used to do this until I literally hacked my subconscious and replaced Catastrophic thinking which reduces our ability to respond in a rational way. Now, I no longer obsess about what might possibly happen in the future.

As for myself, I have come to a new familiar and safe card and that is through working on my subconscious. If we are alive this moment is all we have.

We cannot change the past - it is over. We cannot control the future - it is not here so ... Uncovering the preconceived notions you have about the potential consequences of the difficult situation and objectively will evaluate how much of it you can control. Replacing our fears with trust, and learning to let go of the things we cannot control is the new safe card we all could have if we work at it.

~Collitalks

Mind drives the Body

Our body does so much for us every moment, without us even knowing about it. Our body is really doing the very best it can. What we do to nourish and maintain our body has no say in this. The mind drives the body. Garbage in garbage out and that is not only the food we put in but also the thoughts we think and our internal dialogue.

When I taught mind-body communication to athletes I used cars as an example because really our body is the vehicle our soul rides in. And so I would ask the participants what kind of car they would like to drive. Once they had responded they came to the same conclusion that what matters is not the car but how they maintain it that will guarantee the life of the car.

Throughout our entire life, our body works to heal itself and maintain its internal balance. When one takes the time to reflect we discover that our body is truly amazing. I encourage you to embrace it, improve it and take care of it the best you can. Give it love and nourishment AND that includes nourishing thoughts

Start NOW by saying kind and gentle things to your body. Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are - you are enough - always have been and always will be. Keep up and you will be kept up. I am very interested in what advice you may have for living your best life so if you choose please share.

~ Collitalks

"The Self Sabotage of Living Like A Teenager Long Into Our Adult Years

"The Self Sabotage of Living Like A Teenager Long Into Our Adult Years

As self-sabotage coaches, we often encounter "pro-teens", or what we call "lifelong professional teenagers." Lots of self-sabotage can be attributed to a person not taking their proper rite of passage from child to adult. When we fail to mature into a fully functional adult, inside our adult life, things usually go very wrong.

I remember one client who was checking all the boxes for "pro-teen" based behaviors. Those behaviors were causing her lots of tension in her adult life. She didn't save any of her money and lived from cheque to cheque. There was always more money flowing out than in.....and she just kept spending anyway. She obsessed over things that a teenager would obsess over.....like clothes (the latest fashions), boys, watching lots of TV, sleeping in when everyone in the house was already up, eating junk food late into the night, and then starving herself the next day and of course, she was very concerned with what other people thought of her. The opinions of others ruled her life. She was a follower and a people pleaser, which meant at the end of the day everyone was happy....except her. People pleasers are doormats for everyone else. As children, we're naturally like this. We're supposed to morph out of it but she never had. This is now extremely common in large portions of the adult population.

This was her patterned behavior, the way she adapted to the world in order to increase her chances of acceptance, survival, and being well-liked in the herd. Only kids think like this. Real adults don't. Unfortunately, these are the survival adaptations we make as children and this client wasn't understanding that most of the problems she was having in her life were because she was acting, thinking, and talking like a teenager......inside her adult life. She was acting like she was 18 but she was actually 48. A child only thinks 5, 10, and 15 minutes down the road. A real adult thinks 5, 10, and 15 years down the road. When you think short term inside an adult life........you get pain. And this client was in plenty of mental, physical, spiritual, and financial pain. The more she avoided growing up, the more pain she would encounter. Child-based behaviors were deeply engrained into her nervous system......so what was the solution?

Like in all cases of self-sabotage, our behaviors are simply patterns that are playing on an old record player inside our subconscious. We can change that record at any time. I helped her get rid of the old record and put on a new record, which accelerated her behavior toward her dreams. We didn't just make her a new record, we laid down a whole new LP, with a brand new "top 10". That new top 10 was about her rising up to her full potential and making her dreams come true.

If you're looking to overcome your self-sabotage, just email me at innerexpression88@gmail.com. Title your email "It's time. I am ready for change."

Blessed be. Love only

Colli