Narcissists - Borderline Psychopaths and Code Pendants - Mutual Mommy and Daddy Issues

Healthy people don’t tolerate abuse and call it love. Healthy people don’t want to have relationships with children in adult bodies. Healthy people don’t tolerate being manipulated and exploited and think it’s okay or normal. Healthy people don’t stay in relationships out of fear, obligation and guilt. Codependent people do.

http://shrink4men.com/2016/07/07/narcissists-borderlines-psychopaths-and-codependents-mutual-mommy-and-daddy-issues/

Narcissists - Borderline Psychopaths and Code Pendants - Mutual Mommy and Daddy Issues

Healthy people don’t tolerate abuse and call it love. Healthy people don’t want to have relationships with children in adult bodies. Healthy people don’t tolerate being manipulated and exploited and think it’s okay or normal. Healthy people don’t stay in relationships out of fear, obligation and guilt. Codependent people do.

http://shrink4men.com/2016/07/07/narcissists-borderlines-psychopaths-and-codependents-mutual-mommy-and-daddy-issues/

Secrets

At the age of 14 I became a Motherless Daughter. In 1980 I married. In 1999 I divorced. In 2001 after being in relationship with a so called "well to do" man of society for 6 months he attempted to kill me after finding out I knew that he was committing fraud. To hide and survive I moved into a woman's shelter. It was while living in the women's shelter that my daughter handed me a book called Motherless Daughters written by Hope Edelman. 

14 years later I was privileged to attend a Motherless Daughter's conference in L.A. One of the amazingly courageous inspiring woman, brilliant author Cheryl Strayed (author of Wild) and inspiring speaker was Cheryl Strayed. Below is a snippet of her show called Sugar and a very vulnerable topic: Secrets. My life is my story and in 2017 I will  also be releasing my first book.

SECRETS

Every family has its secrets, but it's how those secrets are dealt with that determines the power they hold.

In Part 1, the Sugars consider the implications of keeping a secret within a family system. They take a letter from a woman who, since her early teens, has kept a dark and powerful secret from her mother about her stepfather.

The Sugars are joined by the writer Kathryn Harrison, who, in her memoir "The Kiss," dared to share a family secret that nearly destroyed her. Harrison recently published a collection of essays, "True Crimes: A Family Album," that explores the broader issues of this series: family secrets held and revealed.

http://www.wbur.org/dearsugar/2016/06/24/dear-sugar-episode-fifty-nine

Patterns can be changed but only when We are ready to recognize change

Patterns can be changes but only when we are ready to recognize they are our patterns and we want to change.

So grateful to be a member of Canadian Yoga Alliance and to be featured in the spring issue of Canadian Yogi. It is a honour. Hearfelt gratitude to and for Sandra Sammartino for all the love and support, teaching and mentoring over the many years that I have the privilege of studying and continue learning yoga more and more …
http://www.canadianyogi.com/the-courage-to-be.html

No such thing

There is no such thing as a bad Pattern. It is simply a structure and when you find out what the Pattern is designed to do then YOU can learn how to use it!!! Do you know your Patterns? 
~ Collitalks

How Do We Change Problematic Patterns

How do we change problematic patterns? The principle is to replace the problematic patterns with healthy patterns. Why replace instead of clear them? Because the patterns of the consciousness are an indispensible part of the consciousness: the consciousness functions through them. It is not within the law of life for a human being to function without patterns.
Some people believe that, because problematic patterns are the fundamental causes of problems in life, clearing problematic patterns will be the way to deal with problems. The idea of ‘letting go’ is based on this belief, and for some people letting go of all unhealthy patterns or conditioning becomes the goal to achieve. How do you get rid of a pattern just like that? After much effort and many attempts, you would probably find that letting go is not easy at all. You want to let go of emotion or thinking or reacting in a certain way. However, each time you are in the same situation, you are thinking and reacting exactly the same way again and again. Why is this? 

Why Change Patterns That Are Not Working

If patterns are behind every thought that we have, every decision that we make and every action that we take, then they must also be behind every problem that we have. In fact, we can say that problematic patterns are the main source of the problems we have. Therefore, to clear problems, patterns must be changed. Ready for change?

Do You Know Your False Master?

When patterns are at work, they replace the process of conscious thinking and decision-making. We all have countless fixed routes that are formed by our patterns. All of the routes form a web-like network. Particular information will go through certain fixed routes according to its nature. All of the information will find its route and will be processed by all of the patterns on this route. This whole network is the ‘false master’. It is behind all of the decisions and judgments we make and all of the actions that we take. Do you know your false master?

Patterns

Isn't it great when you realize that all patterns are not bad. Rather they are a form of behaviour and behaviours can be changed. It is a matter of working with the structure. Today while revisiting some amazing learnings that I have experienced over many years I experienced even more learning which lead to insights and moments of beyond wow. I am so excited to be soon sharing with you some of these insights so that you too can choose to experience  the more that is yet to be revealed.

Have you ever wondered how beliefs are moved forward?

How Beliefs are forwarded is they set out to prove what they assume rather than to explore and examine. They set out to confirm and verify.

Collitalks … coming soon

The first conversation YOU need to change is the one YOU have with yourself. 

~Collitalks … coming soon 

What I learnt when I Stopped Giving Myself Away

What I Learned when I Stopped Giving Myself Away~ Julie Barr

I spent most of my life giving myself away.

Here’s why that didn’t work.

I took care of others in the hopes that it would be returned in an equal or similar way. I would easily give up my body to men, because I thought sex was equivalent to love. In friendships, I used money to buy the loyalty of others. At the office, I would spend hours and hours away from home, giving others my ideas in the hopes that they would like me.

~

Two failed marriages, disastrous friendships and arguments with family members were a few of the symptoms that something was not right in my life. I looked outside myself for reasons why I was so angry and negative about every experience. If I wanted to be happy and live a joyful life, I had to stop making excuses and take responsibility for my life.

Soul searching and self-improvement became my hobby. I read books, went to classes and made an effort to get out of my comfort zone to meet new people and try new things. It sounds easy, but the change did not happen overnight. There were therapists, healers, friends and others along the way that helped me understand what unconditional love really means.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Power of “No”: I spent six years in an unhappy marriage because I was afraid to say no. I look back at how many times I said yes to people and events just because I did not want to disappoint them. I never considered the lack of joy or happiness I would create for myself; I was only worried about pleasing the other person.

2. Quality over Quantity: For a long time I defined my worth by the size of my house, my car and my clothes. I could hide my fears and loneliness behind the labels and the expensive vacations. I thought people would only love me for my salary and corporate career. I never considered that I had anything to offer other than things.

3. Let Go: There was a time in my life that I believed it was my job to lift people up and take care of them while sacrificing my own health and happiness. To break free of this pattern I had to let go of several friendships and establish boundaries about what I was willing to accept.

4. Health as a priority: Pain and mild illness were a common thing in my life. It seemed as though I had a cold or bronchitis every three weeks. I took so many supplements and antibiotics that my hair started falling out. My back and shoulders were often sore and painful from carrying the weight of everyone’s problems in my body. When I developed pneumonia I decided that I was not going to allow illness to take over my life any longer.

The majority of my new relationships are based on common interests and similar history. We value the spirit and the soul of one another rather than the things we possess.

I forgive myself when I fall back into the old patterns. There are times that I still say “yes,” when I really want to say “no,” but it’s way less often than before. Life happens and I realize that the mistakes I make are just lessons that become wisdom in this life.

Author: Julie Barr

Apprentice Editor: Kari Miller / Editor: Nicole Cameron