I Am Doing the Best I Can Today

It’s absolutely impossible to be perfect. I think on some level we all know this is true. So I think it’s very interesting that many of us live our lives pursuing perfection.

Think about it. How much of your own life is spent trying to be perfect? How much emotional energy do you invest in perfectionism even though you realize it’s not possible to achieve? And, what affect does all this effort have on your life and career? Do you really think that trying to be perfect helps your career?
Perfectionism can, in fact, have a negative impact on your performance at work. If you are setting unrealistic goals for yourself, you are also more likely to have unrealistic expectations for your staff. You are less likely to be approachable and even like able, and of course, you are always under stress which can filter down to others in the workplace.

Here are some suggestions for addressing your perfectionism:

Acknowledge that this is YOUR stuff.
No one else truly expects you to never make mistakes or be right 100% of the time. We’re not robots after all. (And even robots have technical problems sometimes.)

Be Authentic
When we pretend to be perfect, we are hiding ourselves from others. Take the pressure off yourself to have all the answers all the time. Admitting that you don’t have the answers can often lead to extremely valuable brainstorming sessions at work. Engaging your team and asking for their opinions often helps them to become more invested in the project or mission. They have increased respect and affection for you. After all, how approachable is someone who comes across as a know-it-all?

Be Willing to Make Mistakes
Perfectionists tend to avoid situations where they may fail, but making mistakes is important to our personal and professional development. Think about some of the valuable lessons you have learned from your past mistakes. When you are open to making mistakes, you are open to more challenges and opportunities as well.

Work Hard, but Don’t Drive Yourself Crazy
Be realistic about your goals. Acknowledge when you’ve done the best you can. Sometimes unforeseen circumstances affect your performance, require you to move deadlines. That’s OK. Just do the best you can everyday and recognize when you need to adjust your expectations.

When you rid yourself of the pressure to be perfect, you will not only be more like able, more open to learning new things, but also healthier. The pursuit of perfection is extremely stressful and frustrating.
Try this as your new daily mantra, “I’m doing the best I can do today.”

 Excerpt Bonnie Marcus

Somewhere I Belong

In January, 2011 I will be facilitating a 10 week yoga intensive workshop comprised of 1 1/2 hr long sessions. The workshop is called Somewhere I Belong. Too many women forget where it is they belong.

Please read what Debbie Ford shares below and how she acknowledges doing just this.In the workshop Somewhere I Belong we will gather your missing pieces and you will discover where it is you belong.

As  women we are actively pursuing ways to live life in balance, and learning to bring our beliefs and values into every aspect of our lives. Changing old habits, and taking self nurturing seriously for the first time, women are reclaiming the unique power of the feminine.Baby boomers are redefining the cultural stereo types of middle age and will leave their indelible stamp on it as they have on every age they have touched.

My course called Somewhere I Belong seeks to speak to your soul: With passion, clarity caring and wisdom my intention is to explore  with you through doing yoga  and to bring out in you as a women to take a leap of faith---to courageously and deliberately seek personal transformation as they move through the various stages of their lives. Women constantly desire to know how to develop deep, juicy spiritual, emotional and physical lives.

I am seeking a cross section of women to participate in this course. After all, who else can best express the richness and heartaches of trying to discover our place in this fast paced, sometimes seemingly out –of- control world. So, now…ask yourself…What would happen if we were to stop the minds’ deadly games that kill the GODDESS in YOU, YOUR best qualities-Loyalty, Ethics, Honesty, Dignity,Grace and Radiance?

Below is an exerpt form Debbie Ford:
I hope this finds you well and thriving. I have to say, I'm always surprised to find out I have violated one of more of my own internal boundaries. After a recent 11-day stint in the hospital, partly caused by over-giving, exhaustion, and saying yes when I should have said no, I find it essential to remind myself and all of you of this important message.


The Exhaustion of People-Pleasing
There is an affliction quietly and insidiously affecting us that crosses all lines of age, gender and race. It began when we were young and learned that in order to fit in with our families we had to ignore our own needs, stay silent, follow along, and give away our power. As adults this syndrome continues to rob us of our ability to ask directly for what we need and want and drives us to violate ourselves and our own integrity. When we're in its grips, we contort ourselves to fit in, to belong, and to ensure our status as a "good person". In a moment of desperation and powerlessness, we forsake ourselves in order to avoid confrontation and the mere possibility of rejection.

This is the disease of trying to be liked, being nice, seeking acceptance, and trying to please others as a strategy - as a way to feel safe in the world and worthy in our own skin. What is even more important to recognize is that seeking the approval of others is a way to avoid how deeply we disapprove of ourselves. The feared rejection of another is actually an outward reflection of how we have already rejected certain aspects of ourselves.

In all of the books I write, the talks I give and the trainings I lead, I encourage people to acknowledge the cost of their limiting beliefs and behaviors. When it comes to people-pleasing, the cost is so pervasive and damaging that I want to draw special attention to it this week. The moment we try to please another and abandon our own truth for theirs, we essentially hand our power to them, violate our own integrity, cut ourselves off from our inner wisdom, and - at least for a while - disconnect from our ability to love and nurture ourselves. [I know this so well, because I've done it a million times!] We may do this with our children, spouses, employers, friends and society at large. When being a "good girl" or a "good boy" becomes a way of life, we can be sure that exhaustion will accumulate, resentments will build, desperation and neediness will increase, and we'll travel deeper into the land of victim consciousness.

Transformational Action Steps
This week, look to see how you might engage in people-pleasing and contemplate what the cost is in your own life, especially in the area of your self-respect...all the while keeping in mind that transformation begins when you tell yourself the truth.
Take a moment to sit quietly, take a slow deep breath, and check in with yourself. Think of a relationship or situation in your life that is particularly challenging for you right now, and ask yourself the following Right Question as it applies to this situation:

Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

Take a few minutes to jot down whatever arises. For greater clarity on how people-pleasing may be undermining you in this situation, utilize the following additional questions:

How am I giving up my power to this person or situation?
What am I afraid of losing?
What would I need to know in order to have the courage to be straight with this person or in this situation?
Disappoint somebody this week. Give yourself the gift of saying "no" when you mean it this week.
As you practice being completely straight with yourself, notice the miracles unfolding in your communications with those around you.

With love and blessings,
Debbie Ford

Last couple of weeks

In the last couple of weeks there have been many wonderful changes and challenges in my life. The outcomes have been nothing short of miraculous. Traveling and more traveling meetings and more meetings. I love traveling. I love exploring and discovering. I also love the art and science of being human. 

2 weeks ago I became a representative for  sportsDrive in Canada.  SPORTS DRIVE is a provider of scientifically based assessments that predict athletic performance in all types of athletes across all types of sports. sportsDrive provides valuable insights into athletic strengths and challenges. Additionally, sportsDrive provides detailed feedback on areas that need improvement.

It is proven that physical abilities simply aren’t enough to reach the top level of professional sports. By taking the time to complete the assessment, athletes take the first step to understanding the inner forces that drive athletic success.

sportsDrive is the only site on the Web geared towards athletic development that assesses 16 dimensions scientifically proven by scientists in sports psychology and sports related psychological assessments to predict athletic performance and help individual athletes, as well as teams, improve overall performance. 16 Key Athletic Dimensions Science and Sports.

I an honored to be part of this family of scientists, psychologists,

entrepreneurs. I will go into more detail about sportsDrive in my next blog.

For now I want to wish each and everyone of you a wonderful evening. 

Be well. 

Dancing with life and Creating Champions

Colli 

www.inner-expression.com

colli@sportsDrive.com

The Value of Relationships

The following is an excerpt from the book Flow by Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi.  It speaks very well to the value of those relationships and the importance of taking the time to make them positive and enjoyable.

“Unfair bosses and rude customers make us unhappy on the job.  At home an uncaring spouse, an ungrateful child, and interfering in-laws are the prime sources of the blues.  How is it possible to reconcile the fact that people cause both the best and the worst times?

“This apparent contradiction is actually not that difficult to resolve.  Like anything else that really matters, relationships make us extremely happy when they go well, and very depressed when they don’t work out.  People are the most flexible, the most changeable aspect of the environment we have to deal with.  The same person can make the morning wonderful and the evening miserable.  Because we depend so much on the affection and approval of others, we are extremely vulnerable to how we are treated by them.

“Therefore a person who learns to get along with others is going to make a tremendous change for the better in the quality of life as a whole.  This fact is well known to those who write and those who read books with titles such as How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Business executives yearn to communicate better so that they can be more effective managers, and debutantes read books on etiquette to be accepted and admired by the “in” crowd.  Much of this concern reflects an extrinsically motivated desire to manipulate others. But people are not important only because they can help make our goals come true; when they are treated as valuable in their own right, people are the most fulfilling source of happiness.”

"If we understand the art of marriage then we can understand God. Everything in life will either widen your scope or narrow it. Marriage is an act in which things are both widened to Infinity and narrowed to zero. There is no way out of it-that is what marriage is." Yogi Bhajan

Our Girlfriends keep us Healthy

This article was emailed to me by Bonnie Marcus this week and apparently it has circulated around the internet. I was unable to find the source, but I am passing it along regardless because I think the message is important. I would love to know your thoughts on the subject.

In a class given at Stanford, the last lecture was on the mind-body connection–the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically this quality “girlfriend time” helps us to create more serotonin–a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings?–rarely. Women do it all of the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, and evidently that is very good for our health. He said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There’s a tendency to think that when we are “exercising” we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged–not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking! So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky. Sooooo, let’s toast to our friendship with our girlfriends. It’s very good for our health.

What do you think? Do your girlfriends keep you healthy?

Owning the Zone with Colli Christante - final interview by Brendhan Rohan

Owning the Zone

Owning the Zone with Colli Christante

10:59 am in Interviews by Brendan Rohan

Here we are back with Colli Christante, kinesiologist and author of the forthcoming book “In Search of the Zone”.

Q. I see in your profile you have written a book called ”Owning the Zone”. Could you tell us what inspired it?

The documentary is called “Owning the Zone”. The book is “In Search of the Zone” and was inspired from what I experienced during a performance at the age of 11.

Rehearsals went amazing yet when it came to the actual performance something was missing. That night my quest began. To experience being in the Zone. Many athletes go through this. It is an elixir for an athlete. Through all my years as an athlete and Kinesiologist I have now refined the process and I can guarantee anyone that if you work with me you will experience the Zone and have the strategies to enter at will.

Q. How long has the project taken to complete – from thinking about writing to the eventual final copy?

I am still in the process of completing the book, however, the idea for the book came prior to meeting with ESPN at Hot Docs in Toronto in 1996. They were extremely interested in my documentary and the possibility of the book to go with it.

I have had a publisher express interest and so that has really motivated me to get it completed. The creative process is a unique and wonderful experience. It is almost complete. Once it is I guarantee you that you will be included as one of the first people to know.

Q. Were there things that you wished to have included in the book? Will these things be written into a follow up / sequel?

Interesting question Brendan. I strongly feel one of the reasons the book has not completed itself is because there were things that needed to be told, wanted to be added. Situations, experiences that needed to be revealed.

Q Have you written other material – you know, training manuals, etc?

Yes, I have written other things. Articles for various magazines, articles for Ezines ( Electronic Magazines ) , Self Growth.com, concepts for TV programs. Created and wrote “Owning the Zone” pilot, a Woman’s show called “Somewhere I Belong” and I am working on another book (cannot reveal name as of yet:)

Also created, developed various programs and manuals. “The Art ‘n Science of Responsible Communication” was one such program and manual. This program and manual were used in facilitating coaches at the Canadian Figure Skating Association in Ottawa Canada. The same is true of another course and manual I created “The Art n’ Tool of the Question” taught to private investigators but cannot reveal which firm it was for.

I have also developed various other courses and love facilitating them – love sharing information.

Q. When will the book be launched? Will there be a media release of some kind that will go with the launch?

The documentary, “In Search of the Zone” has not been released so no media coverage has been done. As I mentioned, the interest is there so I am sure once it is released the media will enjoy it with a touch of controversy which I love.

Q. What are your hopes for your readers? Want do you want them to get out of having read your work?

My hope and wish for my readers is that they not only feel and hear but also see themselves in similar experiences and know that they too can reclaim the missing pieces of their life and become whole and complete. What an experience! It is the best gift one can give to themselves because it affects 7 generations in either direction. What a gift Kinesiology is. We are blessed to have had the experience of Kinesiology and to be a Kinesiologist.

Q. Inspiration is the key to so much in life. Did you use personal stories to inspire your readers?

Brendan I totally agree with you. Inspiration is key in life. Yes, I do use my stories to inspire my readers and in some way my stories inspire my clients. My clients also seem to take personal interest in how I came to Kinesiology but I have to remind them Kinesiology called me.

At some level I wanted to heal and knew that in order to do so I needed to uncover my deepest wounds – kinesiology peeled through the layers and now I bring this gift to others.

There is nothing more precious than being free in one’s own skin. What a gift. Stories run deep. My childhood was a roller coaster and life experience has been deep. Far from being a shallow person, sometimes very intense but the best of all is I love who I am and what I do.

Q. Are there any plans for other materials in the Colli Christante library? You know Dvd’s ( nearly said video’s – but that’s so 1980’s ), music or audio’s?

Yes, there are other plans for more material to be added. The other book I am writing which is my life story (so many people have told me I must write this) and Owning the Zone documentary will get made.

There will be downloads from an Internet TV show I am in the midst of creating – all will be revealed soon and again you will be one of the first to be informed.

Boy you are busy! Do you even have time to see clients lol!

Q What are your plans for the future as a kinesiologist and therapist?

My future as a Kinesiologist and therapist is very clear. I will only be working with clients that are very committed to becoming Champions in all areas of their life. This means they have to undergo a screening process to qualify to work with me and then commit in a way they may never have had to for anything else. This is the full meal deal.

I agree with you Colli that you have to have committed clients. In my practice, I adopted the mindset that I only would see ‘professional clients’; people who were dedicated to themselves, their creative vision ( and not their previous story ) and the work we did… It’s an equal transaction… “professional therapist + professional client = professional results”.

Q Do you teach workshops and speak in public? Where can people see you in action?

Yes, I do speak in public and teach workshops – I have created various seminars, workshops, talks – love to share information.

Currently in negotiation with an organization to do seminars across Canada in 2011. The best way for people to see me in action is to check my profile page and website http://www.inner-expression.com for upcoming dates.

Q. Last but not least, any plans to travel and teach in Australia or overseas to Canada?

I would love to travel and teach. I have so much information to share. This is one of my dreams, goals. To share this with other Kinesiologists and therapists. All I have experienced. The science and art behind the difference that makes the difference.

Brendan, let me know when you want me to come to Australia and I am there for you. To be part of your dream, journey and to be your first featured Kinesiologist has been a real honor.

Colli, thank you for a wonderful series of interviews. You are very inspirational and you illustrate that there are many different ways that you can lead a rich and fulfilling life as a kinesiologist other than just being ‘the traditional clinical therapist’.

When starting out, many new kinesiology people try to ‘fit the mold’ of ‘being a kinesiologist’ and forget that Kinesiology is a tool. A tool in their hands that brings more than ‘balance’ or better health… butcommunicates the therapists own unique, creative spirit to the spirit of the people that they work with.

Congratulations on providing your clients with an inspiring example that is yourself! And congratulations on ‘being bigger’ than ‘the tool’ and fitting your kinesiology work into YOUR greater expression!

To find out more about Colli Christante, see her 1st and 2nd interviews and visit her profile page.

Man's Past Has Been Very Stupid

Man’s Past Has Been Very Stupid… (Part 1)

Man’s past has been very stupid, and the whole stupidity has arisen out of a life-negative approach, attitude. And all the religions in the past have supported the life-negative approach. Not the Buddhas, not the Christs, not the Zarathustras, but the priests. It is the professional religious man who has been exploiting the names of the Buddhas, the Christs, the Zarathustras, who has been exploiting the masses.

The priest has found it very helpful to keep people life-negative, because the moment a person is life-negative he becomes weak. And it is easy to exploit the weak, to enslave the weak. It is easy to dominate the weak, to destroy the weak.

Hence the priest has found that two things are very essential for man’s strength, freedom, consciousness – and both have to be destroyed. One is food, the other is sex – both are basic instincts. Food is needed for the individual to survive, and sex is needed for the race to survive. Without food and sex humanity will disappear. Knowing this, that these are the essential requirements of a really alive man, priests have been against both, and they have supported fasting and they have supported celibacy. Because they have supported fasting they have made people food-obsessed. Any religion that has fasting as its orientation – for example, Jainism – is bound to create food-obsession in its followers. And any religion that is rooted in its opposition to sex is bound to create sex-obsession.

Pornography is a by-product of your so-called religions. It is a religious phenomenon – excuse me! It is because of your priests that pornography exists. And it is not a new thing, it is as ancient as man. Khajuraho, Konarak, Puri – what are they? Pornography in sculpture. And you can go to the most ancient caves and you will always find pornography of some kind or other. You can look into folk literature, folk songs, folk stories, and you will always find them pornographic.

Excerpted from Osho, The White Lotus, Chapter 10


Next article: Man’s Past Has Been Very Stupid… (Part 2)