My blog celebrates the life journeys of us as women and is intended to inspire female readers to take a leap of faith---to courageously and deliberately seek personal transformation as we move through the various stages of our lives. As Women we constantly desire to know how to develop deep, juicy spiritual, emotional and physical lives throughout our whole lifespan.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
12 Answers to Sex Questions You're Embarrassed to Ask Your Friends
We casually talk about sex with our friends over $13 omelettes, but we can’t bring ourselves to discuss those potentially mortifying personal questions we’re really curious about (cough butts, cough).
Let’s face it: You don’t want your friends envisioning you doing anal, and you sure as hell don’t want to provide them with that image.
Even when it comes to practicing safe sex, we don’t want to be judged when we do something stupid, like forget to wear a condom or take our birth control pills.
It’s not exactly easy to admit, “I’m scared I’m going to get pregnant,” while your best friend’s knocked-up sister is chilling on a virgin mimosa.
The thing about sex is, we’re all just getting our feet (and other body parts) wet. So we turned to the experts for the answers.
Here are The 12 Answers to the Sex Questions You’re Too Embarrassed To Ask Your Friends:
1. Does the effectiveness of Plan B decrease as you take it more throughout your life? Will I become infertile if I make Plan B my Plan A?
Plan B is called “Plan B” for a reason — because it should not be relied upon as a form of contraception (but it is a great back-up for accidents like forgetting birth control pills or breaking condoms).
Dr. Brightman, private OBGYN and Assistant Clinical Professor of OBGYN at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine, tells us plain and simple, “[Plan B] is not less effective with repeated use nor will it have any long term impact on your future fertility.”
2. Can you finish inside a girl on the birth control pill and still impregnate her?
“Here’s the thing about birth control,” explains Dr. Emily Morse, host of the top downloaded sex and relationship advice podcast “Sex with Emily” and SKYN brand ambassador.
“When taken correctly, oral contraceptives (AKA the Pill) can have up to 99 percent success rate at preventing pregnancy. Key word here being CORRECTLY.
Sadly, somewhere around nine out of every 100 women who rely on the pill to protect them during intercourse still get pregnant, usually because they either forget to take the pill regularly, “double up” on doses, or are take the pills with antibiotics that interfere.
So next time you’re gearing up for a condom free romp with that cutie from your dorm, ask yourself this: Does she seem like a responsible lady? Like the kind of girl who would remember to take a pill every day, around the same time, for several months without missing?” Yeah, better set a reminder.
3. If you’re on the Pill, can you have unprotected sex during the week you take placebo pills? Are you still protected?
Bareback away, pre-tested-disease-free partners! “When taken regularly, birth control pills are more than 99 percent effective even during the placebo days,” advises Dr. Brightman.
4. Will I get a disease from licking the booty?
Welcome to 2015, kids, there’s no difference between indulging in a slice of cake and any other body part. “The vagina, vulva and ‘booty’ are covered with normal bacteria,” assures Dr. Brightman.
Take heed though, young badonkey steed, Dr. Brightman also adds that if the owner of the booty has an active herpes lesion, chlamydia or gonorrhea, these infections may be transmitted by licking them. (In case you didn’t get the memo, we’re going there.)
5. Wtf is up with anal sex? Is there a “right” way to do it? Is it even safe to do (I mean, up until this point I thought of it as an exit, not an entrance)? Will it forever ruin my insides because thinking about it, I feel like it will? Will my buttonhole be #foreverstretched?
Like love and learning to sing, when it comes to anal sex, you just can’t force it. “Forced penetration of the rectum can harm the sphincter and cause tearing, and potential harm sphincter function,” says Dr. Brightman.
But that doesn’t mean you should be discouraged, as Dr. Brightman says, “When the sphincter is relaxed and [with] lots of lube, you are unlikely to be harmed.”
As far as the whole stretched-out butthole debate, Dr. Morse asserts that this is all a myth:
“Let me put it this way: Your behind was intended to accommodate the passage of some pretty heavy sh*t (too much?). Regular, healthy use of anal sex will not leave you stretched out like a pair of cheap leggings. If anything, it will leave you slightly more relaxed, and able to enjoy sex more, without losing the firmness necessary to carry out its other less pleasant functions.”
Hmmm, this is a new move we can get behind…
6. Do abortions compromise your future fertility?
We’re handing this one over to the pro (which, coincidentally, if you’re seeking an abortion you should too). “When performed safely and preferably in the first trimester, they should not impact future fertility,” clarifies Dr. Brightman. “There is a greater risk that future fertility may be affected when a woman has many pregnancy terminations. This can result in uterine scarring.”
Above all, the most important thing to consider when terminating a pregnancy is safety.
7. What does semen do to your body when you swallow it? Is it actually good for your skin?
Even though it may have a foreign flavor, ingesting semen is no different than eating lunch. “It is a natural body secretion and it will be absorbed,” asserts Dr. Brightman.
“Because semen contains vitamins and minerals, some feel that is good for your skin,” she adds. But before you go jerking off into your green smoothie, remember, “Frankly, so too is a healthy diet and drinking plenty of water!”
8. What does it mean when he can’t get hard? Is it me?
Let’s not take a female (or male!) empowering moment and spin it as our faults, okay? Dr. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually, confirms that it’s not you, it’s him, and she’s got the science to back it up.
“Erection is a reflex; it does not involve the brain, but the spine. A sexy thought can trigger the reflex, and an off-putting thought can dampen it. But the reflex can show up without any sexy thoughts, and it can fail to show up in spite of all the sexy thoughts in the world.”
Translation: When he doesn’t get hard, it could be for many reasons — his erection can go MIA even though he’s reaaallly into you.
9. Sometimes I’m turned on, but not wet at all. What does this mean?
Except for the fact that you don’t go out on Friday nights anymore, don’t worry, you’re not turning into your grandma. “Vaginal lubrication can vary depending on where you are in your cycle,” explains Dr. Birghtman.
“During the days that precede ovulation, the cervix makes a lot of clear, stretchy, slippery mucus, which can make you feel more lubricated.” Conversely, right after your period you can feel drier.
10. I queef all the time. What’s the deal? How do I make it stop!?
You can stop freaking out, this isn’t a product of eating too much grilled cheese. “This has to do with the laxity of vaginal walls and air entering the vagina during sex,” notes Dr. Brightman.
She goes on to explain that when we’re aroused, the walls at the top of the vagina expand and can fill with air. In certain positions, a penis can displace the air and thus, push it out — creating that loud noise.
If it happens to you, all you really can do is laugh. The gyno agrees, “I don’t think that everyone would make a big deal about this if it happened to men!”
11. Am I more susceptible to diseases now that I have a Brazilian wax?
It’s more about irritation than it is catching diseases. “I have seen many women suffer folliculitis (pimples) because of shaving/waxing and inflammation of hair follicles,” offers Dr. Brightman.
Without pubic hair, women lack a barrier between their skin and their partner’s skin or pubic/facial stubble. “Without public hair, women are more likely to have irritation from friction of skin on skin, particularly if their partner is bare too.”
Don’t go complaining to your mom about it though. “In the years before women ‘bared it all,’ there were fewer women complaining of being irritated all of the time.”
Another case for wigging out? Dr. Brightman has seen more irritation in some (not all) women who take spin classes on a regular basis.
12. How does oxytocin affect different genders? Is that why women become more attached? Can you really have ‘unemotional sex’?
Oxytocin is an endogenous chemical that does help partners fall in love with each other. It’s produced during intimate moments like sex, cuddling and breast-feeding.
“But oxytocin is not the only game in town!” says Dr. Welch, “Men and women also produce and respond to other biochemicals of attraction, including dopamine.”
So in one study of people who were in a friends-with-bennies scenario, 3/4 of women said they were having trouble remaining emotionally distant — even though they wanted to. In that same study, 75 percent of men said the opposite: They were having an easy time keeping their emotional cool.”
As for unemotional sex, you’ll have to figure out which type you are. “From that study and others, it appears that about 3/4 of women and 25 percent of men can’t; they get attached, sometimes even without wanting to. Yet for a quarter of women and 75 percent of men, they can hit it and quit it, no worries.”